I had one of those days yesterday where everything just seemed to be going wrong. I was miserable — miserable, I tell ya — and working my way into such a state that the lack of a decent help section in our new webmail application nearly sent me into a breakdown-level tizzy. Today, on the other hand, was a definite improvement.
For one thing, it was Lucy’s last day of school, so we had planned an afternoon of hanging together. Based on promises made throughout last week, I took her to lunch, then to ice cream, and then to Target. At the last of those spots, I very deliberately let her literally walk through every aisle as she tried to decide what to spend her first $14 worth of allowance on. (A slip and slide, in case you were wondering, plus a Hello Kitty puzzle.) Then we went to the library, and then came home, made popcorn, and watched a movie. It was pretty awesome to see that the things she wanted to do on her day off were almost exactly the things I wanted to do. The bonus of it all was that, rather than being angry that we are sending her to Y camp for the rest of the week, she actually seemed quite excited. So, yay — no guilt! That’s quite nice, let me tell you.
The second part of the turnaround was that she got her report card and her reading level, which I had no doubt would be at above her actual grade level, indicates she’s where they want people to be at the end of fifth grade. Is that not awesome? I am so incredibly proud of her.
The day, though, did make me think about what I want to be doing with my life. (That and the whole, we’re-doomed-since-global-warming-is-bringing-the-world-to-the-end-so-decide-what-you-want-your-last-days-to-be-like thing, of course.) Which was where I was mentally when, lo and behold, an email came across my desk that had a job that can be done entirely remotely for a company that I think is pretty cool. For the last hour, I’ve been trying to figure out whether to actually send the cover letter that I wrote. It’s not just a lifestyle thing. I feel like the last several months have burned me out in a way that this job hasn’t before. I’d like to think that these few days off will help; the last few didn’t, though, so I’m not overly hopeful.
But is getting a new job the answer? I’m not really sure it is. I’m not sure I want to learn new ropes and meet new people. Oh, I’m sure they’re all pretty great — in fact, I spent the better part of this evening reading through blogs and twitter postings and various websites that gave me a pretty good sense of what the supervisor for this position is like. She seems pretty awesome and yet the coolness factor — that I do not in any way share — is almost tiring. It makes me feel, well, old. Who are all these 2.0 people, and can I possibly keep up with them? Or actually, do I want to invest the energy in keeping up with them. I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Not that I’m assuming that I’d even get anything beyond a cursory ‘thanks for your email,’ if even that. But if I did…
Anyway, I did write the cover letter. I sent it to myself, just to do something; I guess I’ll have to see what the morning brings.
Of course, I didn’t invest any time in doing what I had intended to be doing tonight, which was finish the frickin’ chapter I’m working on. I’ve got a whole line done — yep, sentence #1. I even have a sense of what sentences #2 and 3 will be. I just can’t actually bring myself to write them. I have a feeling that this is some major psychological block going on… And that’s about as much as I want to think about it for now.
Sigh. Now it’s past midnight and I’m tired. I was even planning on trying to get more than 6 hours of sleep tonight. It truly annoys me to go to bed, though. It’s like I’m giving up on the day. Like some big failure. Yes, I realize this makes very little sense, and yet that’s how it is.
And on that note…